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I feel ridiculous to say this

Why comparison is hardly ever useful.

As a therapist, if I had a pound every time someone told me “other people have it worse than me” then I would probably be working from my yacht somewhere in the Mediterranean Sea. Humans as a species are inclined to comparison. We constantly evaluate and measure ourselves based on the behaviours and personalities of others.


“Is their phone newer than mine?” “Are they better at the job than I am?” “How have they managed to watch more episodes of the Crown than me?”


The modern world of social media and our lives being much more open to audience has only furthered this. What is unfortunate is that we tend to go to either end of a spectrum. One moment we are convinced that everyone’s lives are much more exotic and exciting than ours and then the next we think we are complaining over nothing whilst others deserve that support and comfort. Realistically, none of these thoughts are based off evidence because no one is showing every aspect of their life on social media. We all have privacy and most importantly we are all wonderfully unique individuals. Comparison really does not serve much purpose other than to cause ourselves guilt or frustration.


The result of comparison is that at almost every assessment I do, which is around 7-10 a week, my patient will tell me that what they are saying sounds “stupid” or “ridiculous” because surely other people have it worse? And probably if you took a very long time to write every symptom of mental health and categorise them all then yes maybe you could argue this point. In the same way if someone broke one leg then yes maybe they do not have it as bad as the next guy who broke both his legs. But should we ask the person with one broken leg to keep walking on it? As the person with one broken leg would we look at the person with 2 and say I should be walking better than this?! The answer is of course no but that it can be hard to be that kind to ourselves whilst its happening.


When we experience issues with low mood or anxiety, it is hardly ever the same for every person. Therefore, comparison sort of goes out of the window. Your therapist will not be spending time thinking “oh well are they worse or better than the last person I talked to”. Instead, they will be considering the impact your symptoms are having, the kind of emotions this is causing and how they can support you. As a therapist, I do my work so that I can make a difference, however corny that sounds, and that is the priority. Comparison in which we highlight our negatives, and the positives of others is incredibly common and something that can be addressed in treatment. If you can take home one message it would be to not let that comparison be the reason you do not reach out.


What really sums up my rant is that you deserve to be heard and supported.


07 Feb, 2023
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